*CREEEEEEEEEEEK!*
The vault is now open. Step inside. . .and beware! BWAH-HA-HA-HA-HA!
This section will be under construction for forever, probably. It will be my attempt to collect
everything I've ever written into one happy package. You'll be transported back to my days at
Marist High School through columns from the school paper and assignments from my Creative
Writing class, taught by the brilliant Mike Leahy. You'll also catch a glimpse at the many
columns, Top Ten lists, and other stories I wrote during my three years on the staff of the
Northwestern Chronicle.
Shit, that's a lot of writing! You have been warned.
High School
Marist Sentinel
I wrote for my high school paper, the Marist Sentinel, for the last three years of high school. For
my junior and senior years, I had a monthly column on whatever it struck my fancy to write about,
usually pop culture issues or exorcism of personal demons. I also edited the Entertainment
section and served as Managing Editor my senior year. Boy, the past is comforting, isn't it? I
could stay here forever!
Axl for Prez?! My first column ever for the Sentinel, date
unknown.
Donny Osmond, the Messiah Musings on fame and Donny as
"Joseph," date unknown.
Zombie Marist High My final column for the Sentinel, about my
intrepid search for the truth behind a random Marist jacket sighting in the B-grade horror flick
"Zombie High," May 1994. (Warning: may contain brief Marist inside jokes.)
Creative Writing
My senior year, I took an excellent and fun creative writing class with Mike Leahy, one of the
most influential teachers I've ever had. Here's a series of assignments from that class, as well as
some creative writing projects undertaken of my own initiative throughout the high school
years.
Sir Stanley and the Dragon A story poem assignment, dated
November 22, 1993.
College
Northwestern Chronicle
For the first three years of my college existence, my creative energies were focused mainly on my
writing for this weekly, crassly conservative college paper here at Northwestern University.
Before I got there and at times during my stay, it was known for kicking up quite a stir among
certain circles for its agressive attacks on liberalism and minority groups. I tried my best to
remain above that fray, focusing purely on entertainment and comedy writing. Though I was
somewhat persecuted for my associations with the paper, I also recieved quite a bit of attention,
as many students began reading the Chronicle specifically for my column and Top Ten lists. I'm
pretty proud of the work I did there and don't regret my involvement in the slightest, though I am
sorry that I've on occasion been branded a "nasty conservative" by the readers of the paper merely
through my association with the Chronicle. For the record: I don't really have a political bias at
all, and I participated in the Chronicle because I enjoyed the creative freedom and the people I
worked with. I'd be lying if there also wasn't an element of a "big fish" in a "small pond"; it's
always been a heck of a lot easier to write for and edit the Chronicle than the other paper here on
campus, the Daily Northwestern. Anyway, I spent three years as a weekly columnist and the last
of those three years as both a columnist and the entertainment section editor.
Columns
Charles Babbage Ruins Freshman My first college writing published,
September 30, 1994
NU's "Firefighters" Should Be Lauded Dealing with two guys who
got kicked out of the dorms for throwing a football at a fire alarm, October 7, 1994
Your Guide to the Oscars A humor piece on upcoming movies for
Winter 1995