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Imagine, if you will, that we are sitting in on the first Cabinet meeting of the new President of these United States. All are eagerly anticipating the arrival of the Commander-in-Chief, since it is said he has an agenda that will bring sweeping reforms and bold new freedoms to the American social structure and political machine.
Suddenly, everyone rises to their feet. The new President has arrived! A bit under-dressed, though; someone obviously forgot to tell him that jeans and a "Rock the Vote" T-shirt are not within the dress code of a Cabinet meeting. He sits at the head of the table, not even bothering to greet the group of men and women he hand-picked just a few weeks ago. Then a shaky voice speaks: "Uh, so how do we start these things, anyway?"
Sam Donaldson, seated in the back, speaks up. "Well, Mr. President (said in a mocking tone), usually with a report from each department."
"Okay," says the Big Cheese. "Kate, you start."
Kate Pierson, newly-elected Vice-President, looks at him in horror. "Mike, I don't have a department. I'm your Vice, remember?"
"Oh, yeah," mutters the President, Michael Stipe. "So, um, anyone hungry? I can order some pizzas or something."
At this point, Dan Rather audibly groans, and the meeting descends into one of the less- spectacular moments in Presidential history.
I don't come up with many original political thoughts, so I'll tell the one I have. What about the idea of celebrities for President? Can you imagine the excitement and controversy someone like Madonna would generate as President? The public would understand a tax increase...if they were told it went to pay for Madonna's newest bullet bra. Cabinet meetings would become extended games of "Truth or Dare," in which Sam Donaldson would reveal that he's had a crush on Barbara Bush ever since she walked into the White House. And Warren Beatty, as her new vice-president, would find it easier for him to sleep with every woman in Hollywood.
How about Michael Jackson, with Macaulay Culkin as his running mate (or Bubbles the Chimp, whomever is available)? It would be brilliant! State of the Union addresses would be replaced by live concerts. We would have a national dance step: the Moonwalk. Our flag would be replaced by a picture of Macaulay doing that cute little face thing from "Home Alone."
Or, try Axl Rose and Slash. There's a sure-fire ticket for Washington! Of course, he couldn't live in the White House; it wouldn't last a week, but he could use the bowling alley and stuff. No reporter would want to cover the Washington beat, because they would be too afraid to ask "Mr. Rose" a question, for fear of getting a vodka bottle over the head as an answer. And state dinners would become drug-and alcohol-infested state orgies.
The possibilities are endless! Roseanne and Tom Arnold, shaping our young nation! Steve and Garry, representing our country to the world! Sonny and Cher, planning our budget! Jason Priestly and Luke Perry, just looking cute!
Weeeeeeeeeeeeelllllllllllll, maybe not.