Top Ten Comic Book Props

Sometimes superpowers aren't enough. In many cases, a hero's apparatus can be as memorable as the character itself. This week, our blue-ribbon panel presides over the coolest toys of all. Entries that were omitted were found unworthy (or downright sucky).

10) Popeye's pipe

Not only does spinach make Popeye's body go haywire, but it affects his pipe as well. This pipe can become a whirling helicopter blade, a steam engine, a submarine, or create tornadoes, tidal waves and sonic blasts. Of course, its gratest ability is to be able to suck the lid off of a can of spinach, and then slurp the spinach into Popeye's mouth at forty paces. Popeye is never without this pipe. So much so that his mouth has sort of grooved around it. One is given to wonder if the pipe is actually a sentient lifeform, and if Popeye may have some sort of symbiotic relationship with it. For the sheer gruesomeness of that thought alone, the pipe sits at number ten, when given its power it should probably be higher.

9) Golden Lasso of Truth

Now if this isn't a woman's ultimate fantasy, then we don't know what is. Here we have a lasso that can entrap a man and make him tell the truth! Feminists will roll in their sweatpants, but it must have appealed to SOME little girls. Wonder Woman is the most successful (some would argue the ONLY successful) comic book ever to feature a female lead. We think the magic lasso had something to do with it. The invisible plane was a little lame even for its day and the bullet deflecting bracelets...well, they were pretty cool too. But let's face it, even a red-blooded girl-hating comic book geek wouldn't mind getting wrapped up in Diana's lasso and telling her the truth. Why then, is this item only at number nine? Cooties!

8) Fantasticar

We're talking about the flying bathtub here. Any group that would fly into battle in a tub is a group that isn't going to run out on you when things get messy. The Fantastic Four weren't the slickest group in the 1960's, but they were probably the most charming group of all time. Only Jack Kirby could have pulled off a flying bathtub; hell, only Jack Kirby would have attempted it, but he did pull it off and made it seem cool. What fanboy of the 1960s didn't imagine he was flying naked into battle when he took a bath at night? That's where the charm of it lay--in its very familiarity. When something as common and everyday as a bathtub can be made into an object of outrageous fantasy, then you know that you are on the right track. And that was Jack's gift. He could make an everyday appliance into a wonderous thingamajig. The ordinary was transcended and all our lives were a little brighter. So why only number eight? Gee whiz, it's a flying bathtub!

7) The Awesome Eye of Agamotto

Okay, now we're talking. After hundreds of issues of Doctor Strange I STILL don't know what the Awesome Eye does or who in blazes Agamotto is. But who cares? Say it with me, "The Awesome Eye of Agamotto!" That's something worth shouting at the panhandlers in the park when you want to be left alone. Steve Ditko and Stan Lee created a wild and wacky world when they unleashed Doc Strange on the unsuspecting public. If there be magic, we'll wager that this is what it is like. Nobody really understood what was going on, but nobody minded. The Awesome Eye of Agamotto sums it up completely. This is just too insane not to love!

6) Batmobile

You have to put the Batmobile on a list like this. You might not want to. You might not want to bump Wolverine's adamantium claws or the Phantom's skull ring that leaves an impression of a skull in your face when it hits you (ouch!), but you have to. The Batmobile is just too prevalent to ignore (and we tried). What is it? A fast car. A fast car with fins. It's changed over the years. Yeah, it's been equipped with gizmos and gadgets. But in the end it's a fast car with fins. What's the appeal? Why the fascination with the Batmobile? Could it be that deep within every comic book nerd's subconscious is the thought that with the Batmobile he could get a hot-looking chick like Vicki Vale or Catwoman? Nahhhhh. That's not it. It must be those fins...

5) Kryptonite

Kryptonite. The one substance that will put Superman on his knees and leave him crying like a baby. Kryptonite. It can come in a rainbow of colors that all do something equally horrific or wacky to Superman. Kryptonite. Comics' ultimate deus ex machina. Originally intended to give the indestructible Man of Steel an Achilles' heel so that someone might be able to challenge him, it later became one of Gardner Fox's favorite plot devices to explain why Superman was being so hilariously contorted in all those brilliant covers. Kryptonite was an important step for the superhero genre, as it discovered that having created the perfect man, the world became disinterested in him unless he had some form of weakness. It was perhaps somewhat poetic that Superman's weakness was comprised of the very stuff he had lost when his homeworld Krypton was destroyed, that what could kill him was a piece of who he really was. What does it all mean? Who knows? Even if you are the most powerful man on the planet, you still have to watch out for relics from the old neighborhood...

4) Captain America's Shield

You want it. You know you do. You've done it a million times (or at least once). Admit it. You've picked up the garbage can lid and tried to throw it. You've colored a frisbee red, white and blue with magic marker and thrown it at your kid brother. You may have made a life-size one out of card board and watched it crumple when your mom accidentally stepped on it. But face it, you've always wanted to strap that shield onto your forearm and go avenging. Captain America's shield is much more than an indestructible defense mechanism that hurts like the dickens when it whaps you upside the head. It's an icon. It's a symbol. It hits you on a deep level when you see it. It's there protecting the world with unbreakable strength. You want the shield, but you can't have it. Not until you've earned it.

3) The Batman's Cape

What!?! A cape? This high on the list? Yes, that's right. Comics are a visual medium and a character's survival depends greatly on how cool he looks. Nothing looks cooler than The Batman's cape. It's as big and billowy as it needs to be, or as tightly-wrapped around The Batman as a mummy's cloth. It misdirects bullets and frightens criminals (a cowardly lot, they). But more importantly, it looks cool on the printed page. It's frayed at the edges so it looks vaguely Bat-like, and thus conveys to the reader without any verbal component what this character is all about. Alan Moore laughed in WATCHMEN at the complete impracticality of fighting hand to hand while wearing a cape, but even he had to admit that the intimidation factor of The Batman's look was considerable. This cape can make even the most mundane Batman story seem alive with possibilities. What artist doesn't want to take a crack at drawing it? Who didn't wear a facsimile of it as a kid? They'll never design a cooler cape than this. The song says not to tug on Superman's cape, but you'd have a lot higher chance of survival doing that than tugging on The Batman's cape.

2) Green Lantern's Ring

This ring can do anything. Absolutely anything. Only your imagination limits it. And the neatest thing is that it is just a ring. Anyone can get a ring and pretend it's a Green Lantern Power Ring! Of course, it's better if it's a real one given to only the most worthy by the mysterious Green Lantern Corps or by a dying Green Lantern. When something as ordinary as a ring is elevated into the extraordinary, there is a mental connection. Our subconscious can fixate on the recognizability of the ring and we can orient ourselves in the wild cosmic adventures of the Green Lantern. So if this ring is so blamed all-powerful, then why is it only number two? It can't affect yellow! Watch out for flying cheese!

1) Thor's Hammer

This is almost cheating. Thor's hammer, Mjolnir, wasn't created for comics. It's from Norse mythology. It was created many centuries ago. But boy, did it ever come into its own in the pages of Marvel Comics! Forget the Green Lantern Ring; here is a tool that can REALLY do anything! It can open up doorways into other worlds or dimensions. It can create weather of terrible force. It can fly its master through the heavens at incredible speeds, provided that person can throw it hard enough. It can deflect bullets better than any set of magic bracelets. It can virtually do anything to get Thor out of a jam that it needs to. But thankfully, it also can do absolutely nothing if the story demands it. Now that's just what the doctor ordered. A weapon of ultimate power--but only when really needed. Oh yeah, it can be used to bash someone's skull into a permanent headache! In addition to being enchanted to always return to Thor's hand when thrown, and to only be picked up by Thor or someone equally worthy, or to absorb energy and release it at Thor's enemies--as if that wasn't enough, this hammer is also made of Uru, which is just about the most dense substance that anyone has any need to come up with. So when all else fails, a little Uru hammer in the face ought to do the trick. Thor's hammer leaves an indelible impression. Once having encountered it, you'll never hang a picture again without thinking of Asgardian Rainbow Bridges and a massive blonde warrior with a penchant for iambic pentameter!

Something left off that shouldn't have been? Don't like the order? Well, tough! The decision of the Blue Ribbon Panel of Experts is final!