 |
 |
Ain't It Kewl Coming Horizons Insider #5
Hola, film fanz! Harry here with another hot dose of movie skewpz for U!
I was a bit disappointed that none of my Oscar predictions were correct, but I was even more upset that the Wall Street Journal didn't quote me in their article about the Oscar winners! I had a hot skewp and no one wanted 2 talk 2 me! I wanna be in da press! I wanna be a media darling! WAAAAAHHH!
Oh, well, such is life in da fast-paced hot and glitzy world of internet reporting. Kewl!
I thought that since I've been watching a lot of da boob tuub lately, we could look at a few scoopz on TV showz that are coming or not coming or changing and stuff like that. That's that. On to da skewpz...
STAR TREK SERIES FIVE NEWS!!!!
Like U, I am sooooo excited and anticipating the new Star Trek series. Some nights, after I've watched Buckaroo Banzai or my special edition DVD of the remastered and expanded Night of the Living Dead (what kewl changes they made!), I sit in my bed alone for hours with a cold pop and play with my vintage Enterprise toys. They're so kewl.
And I think and I drink and I dream about being in the space starscape of the Enterprise, and I wonder, where will the Trek franchise go? Will the majikal crystal ball that I call my computer ever dispense the majikal kewlly creamy goodness that I call scoopage?
Today, my friends, it has. Admiral Barclay has checked in with a major coup: our scoop on the ideas that Paramount is considering for the new Trek series. Take it away, Barclay...sir, yes, sir!
Hey Harry. I have sources high within the Federation, and they've been whispering rumblings to me about what the people of our galaxy can expect from the fifth Star Trek series. Right now, there are three ideas on the table. They're all pretty radical. In both senses of the term.
A half-hour show set on Earth and starring Marina Sirtis and Dwight Schultz as Troi and Barclay. Described as a cross between Ally McBeal and The Sopranos.
A series of two-hour movies following Uhura, Chekov and Sulu as they have comic misadventures in a spacebound retirement community. Described as a cross between Grumpy Old Men and Serpico.
A teen drama set on a colony populated only by teenagers, including a teen Vulcan who is combatting his emotions and a teen Klingon who kills cheerleaders after having sex with them. Described as a cross between Dawson's Creek and Problem Child 3.
These all sound pretty good to me, but what do I know, Harry, I'm a trekker from way back.
Me too, Barclay! Tooooooo kewl! I can't wait to see more of Marina Sirtis...I'm gonna load up her fake nude pics in a minute and head for the final frontier myself, if you know what I mean! And I think U do!
WILL THE X-FILES RETURN? ME SAY YEP!
I've been polling all my sources within 20th Century Fox, and they all tell me the same thing: The X-Files is not over yet, fanz! You conspiracy theorists out there in audienceland can look forward to at least one more season of da greatest sci-fi show on TV…well, except for Voyager…and except for FarScape…oh, they're all SOOOOOO KEWL!!!!!!!!!
Anyhooooow, I hear that The X-Files will return next season…with a few changes. No David Ducovny. That's okay. We didn't need his steamy self heating things up. Too much hot guyness. But we need hot babeness, so it's too bad that Gillian Anderson will be gone too. NOOOOOOOO!!!! ANTI-KEWL!!!!!!!! POOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Also leaving the show are Chris Carter, Frank Spotnitz and everyone else in the cast and crew. BUT there will still be an X-Files, written by none other than David E. Kelley, dat kewl dude who writes all of The Practice and Ally McBeal. Will that not be KEWL????!!!!!!!!!!! Me love Ally! Me think she so hot! Me luuuuuuuuuuuuuuv David E. Kelley! Kewlness!!!!!!!
No word on who will take da co-star spots, but is that a rumbling I hear that Jerry Stiller will play a wacky wizened old FBI agent who makes crazy jokes all da time?! Is dat not kewl?! FRANK COSTANZA AS STAR ON A NEW X-FILES SHOW!!! KEWL!!!!!
WEIRD FARSCAPE NEWZ
Okay, I'm just gonna cut and paste this from the press release...too sad and weird...
Sci-Fi Channel representatives announced on Tuesday that their top-rated show FarScape, the tale of a band of galactic outcasts cruising around in a living spaceship, isn't a real show at all-it's a joke.
"We created it as a gag in about a week in our studios, because we figured that most sci-fi fans are so stupid, they'll watch anything in space," chortled Josh Dennis, a creative exec within the Sci-Fi Channel, who wrote and directed the entire first season of FarScape in his spare time. "I mean, it's total shit. C'mon. You can't really think it's GOOD?! Jesus."
Dat's not kewl. I'm gonna go cry in me Lowenbrau now. Have heart and soul and da Force, geekozoid pals o' mine...
Until next time,
Harry
 |
 |