Long time readers of this site may recall a brief subsidiary of Pop-Culture-Corn Magazine that ran for about a month last year under the PCC Media banner, Ain't it Kewl Coming Horizons Insider. When it first began, we were very excited about having a dedicated film news site under our banner. Unfortunately, the chief writer, webmaster and head "kewl" lord of the site, Harry Bawles, suddenly vanished off the earth--never to write for us again. Or so we thought. Turns out Harry had a bout with the heart-breaking flu, which he'll tell you all about. And we're thrilled now that he's surfaced once again to offer his unique perspective on the film industry. Look back here for frequent film reviews from this veritable Sultan of Kewl, and watch for the relaunch of AIKCHI through PCC once again later this summer. Now here's Harry...

Hola, film fanz!!!!! What has been UP?! Have U mized me? Do U even recall me?

I'm Harry Bawles, formerly webmaster at Ain't It Kewl Coming Horizons Insider, your one-stop shop 4 kewl film newz and gossip. Matt & Bri at PCC (such a kewlness godly form of a website that I bow b-4 it) were kind enuff to offer me web space to host my kewl site, and I was posting tonz of kewl movie gossip and newz...until tragedy struck.

Y'see, I'm not too lucky in love. I've only had maybe two or three girlfriendz...okay, I'm lying. I've only had one. Okay, I'm lying. I've never had any. I've been girlfriendless since I hit puberteeee lo so many yearz ago.

Anyhoooow, I've often tried to get some fine-lookin' kewl lady to want to hold my hand, but my wooing tactics haven't always worked. I would take them 2 C a special all-night movie fest of Hammer horror flix, or send them three black roses in the mail, or buy them Star Wars bedsheets and suggest that we make luv on them that night! I thought I was being sexeeey, but in reality I guess I was being gross. At least, that's what my second-in-command at AIKCHI, GeekBot, used to say. And everyone who I e-mailed this story to from my Robotech gaming listserv said that too. NOT kewl!

So when I met Laura1138 in an AOL Hitchcock chatroom, it was luv at first type. Of course, I recognized her handle as part-name and part-reference to George Lucas' genius debut film, THX 1138. I thought that was soooooooooo kewl!!!!!!! So I asked her some questions, and we slipped into a private chatroom, and I ended up giving her a cyberkiss...*kiss*. I was sooooooo happy for a change that I put down my Nightmare Before Christmas toyz from Japan, lifted myself from my computer chair and opened my window. The gentle spring air felt sooooooo kewl on my face. The deuce you say--I must be in LUUUUUUV!

For the next four weeks, I was walking on air...and not even shattering it with my mazzive girth 4 a change. It was soooooooo KEWL! Everything they say about luv is trooooooo. We would spend hours upon hours in a private chatroom talking moviez, music, life and love and the philosophies of time that would topple onto our nogginz and make us woozy. Kewl.

Then we agreed to meet. I was soooooooooo nervous. I can't even tell you how nervous I was...I haven't been this scared since my dad took me to that prostitute to take away my virginity! Man, was dat scary!

Get this, film fanz: Laura1138 was a MAAAAAAN! To paraphrase James Tiberius Kirk in my fave movie of 1982, Star Trek II: NOOOOOOOOOOOO! KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNN!

He or she broked my widdle heart. I got so sorrow filled by dat sad, sad happening that I gave up on life 4 many monthz. I stopped using my computer, I stopped caring about moviez, I wouldn't play with my kewl toyz or even eat anything anymore, which means I must have been really really sad. I just pouted and all that.

Finally, on May 13 GeekBot came to my house and woke me from a sad slumber to announce that we had to begin camping out 4 the kewlest movie in the history of moviez: STAR WARS EPISODE ONE THE PHANTOM MENACE KEWL KEWL KEWL KEWL KEWL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Suddenly all my sadness was washed away like the animalz on Earth in that kewl TV movie about Noah's ark. I was soooooooooooooooooooo psyched to see this film! I knew that genius god perfect Doctor of Kewlness George Lucas would not fail me.

And did he fail me? (Which is why I was asked to write this piece 4 PCC--I haven't forgotten about my review here--I just feel like everything that's ever happened in me life is somehow relevant 2 everything I ever write, so I try 2 let my readerz know what I was feeling every day until I have seen the movie and can make it all fit together in one big mush of a life and a movie....kewlness.)

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Kewl. Kewl. Kewl kewl kewl kewl kewl kewl kewl kewl kewl awesome rock kewl neat god jizz of geekgasms all over my seat kewl.

Lucas is the almighty God of Kewl. I will sacrifice many burritoburgers from the local Taco Palace in his godly honor. I worship his feet and his hands and his greying beard. Kewlness personified on earth is Lucas. Kewl.

I plastered my friendz with geekgazm jizz when I saw that first logo appear on the movie screen and wept all over my extra jumbo buttery popcorn--both buckets. Every moment of this movie WORKED for me. Jar Jar--funny ha ha funny. I haven't laughed this hard since Butterfly McQueen's performance in Gone With The Wind! Neimoudians...such true evil...just like those nasty guys in the video store who won't let me just pay for that old copy of Buckaroo Banzai to fill my collection because it's out of print.

And DARTH MALL IS THE ANTI-KEWL...HE IS SO KEWL THAT HE DISINTEGRATES ALL TRUE KEWL AND MAKES PURE KEWLNESS ENERGY FOR WARP ZONES OF FURTHER KEWLNESS JUST LIKE ANTI-MATTER IN STAR TREK.

I cannot tell you how kewl this movie is. No wordz are capable of telling about it. I am drowning in a sea of kewlness. I love the droidz and the hottie queen (Natalie Portman droool kewl lovey jizz all over her...mmmmmmmm) and R2D2 (he was so kewl!) and C3P0 (he was so kewl) and Ewan McGregor (HE WAS SO KEWL!) AND LIAM NEESON IS A BASTARD OF KEWLNESS THE MASTER BASTARD OF KEWLNESS.

Lucas has opened up the creaking iron doors of his imagination like the creaking iron doors to the Phantom's lair in the 1928 silent Phantom of the Opera with kewl god Lon Chaney Sr. and has let us all run inside 2 frolic in his world like so many kewt kidz like in Willie Wonka's Chocolate world of wonder and joy. Visionary kewl mindblows.

Well, I loved Star Wars so much that I"ve seen it twenty five times since it came out, and it's time for me to go again. GeekBot has summoned the Geekmobile, and myself, GeekBot, Poppa Kewl and a few other friendz (Jesus of Kewl, Nein Numb, Sybok and Apollo) are heading out 2 see this fantastic film again. So SEE THE KEWLNESS BIBLE OF GREATNESS MANY TIMES: STAR WARZ EPISODE ONE THE PHANTOM MENACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And watch here this summer for more of my movie reviewz in this here zine of kewlness. Thanks Matt & Bri 4 letting me write in their zine. Thanks 2 you for reading also, and I'll C U @ da moviez! Kewl!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And need I say it: MAY DA FORCE (MAXI BIG DA FORCE) BE WITH U!!!!!!!!!!!