Alcohol, a credit card and a telephone are always a dangerous combination.
That's how I ended up with my full set of Just Kidding! videos.
Most of us have seen this infomercial. It's a half-hour "best-of" featuring
some choice bits from the tapes themselves, which contain hours upon hours
of wacky practical jokes played upon unsuspecting Europeans. They show about
ten minutes of actual content in the infomercial, and the rest of the time
is taken up by commercials for the tapes themselves. (This is the original
Just Kidding! set, by the way, not the current "Censored in America"
line they're promoting. The original set is edgy, weird and shocking but
sadly contains no nudity.)
Every time this infomercial would appear, I'd leave it on and my roommates
and I would laugh our asses off, especially at one routine involving a wormy
guy with a pipe bellowing smoke on innocent bystanders at bus stops. After
stumbling upon the infomercial for the tenth time--and near the end of a fun
evening of barhopping--I whipped out my Visa, dialed the number and ordered
the videos, before I had a second to think about it.
Four weeks later, a box arrived on my doorstep containing not one, not two,
but SIX Just Kidding! videotapes. I had opted to buy the FULL set
over the phone, and not just the two-tape set they were shilling on the
telly, which ended up cosing me upwards of seventy bucks. Thus I was holding
in my greedy hands something like twelve hours of European practical jokes.
A daunting prospect, to be sure, but also a thrilling one. I haven't made
it through all six tapes yet, and maybe I never will. But what I have seen
has made me laugh until I cry at the sheer stunning cruelty and absurdity of
the comedy. Those French folks are ruthless when it comes to practical
jokes, and that ruthlessness pays off big-time in the entertainment
department.
What is the cruelest joke played by the Just Kidding! team? Maybe
it's the maggots in the microwave trick. They station a camera inside a
microwave in a convenience store that has an open back to it. Folks approach
the microwave and slip in their burrito, Hot Pocket, what have you. While
the door is closed, a Just Kidding! operative replaces the customer's
item with a bowl that is OVERFLOWING with maggots. One of the nastiest
sights you'll ever see--trust me on that. Then the customer opens the
microwave, and instead of their hot tasty lunch, there's a bowl of maggots.
Or maybe it's the sexually dysfunctional driving instructor. Foxy young
French ladies go into a car with a seemingly mild-mannered driving
instructor for a driving test. Only he's not really mild-mannered or even a
driving instructor; he immediately begins to sexually assault the women,
kissing them and trying to climb on top of them. While a lame laugh track
chortles on in oblivion, you see images of near-rape inflicted on these poor
women, and it's so vicious that you don't know whether to laugh or scream.
That's the biggest appeal the Just Kidding! tapes have going for
them, especially for the American viewers they're targeting with their
infomercials. The French achieve a level of ruthlessness in their practical
jokery that American television producers couldn't hope to imitate. In the
States, we get Dick Clark and Ed McMahon chortling while Brian Austin Green
is tricked into believing that his mom isn't going to remember his birthday.
In France, they deliver loud farters, squirting sneezers, fans that blow up
women's skirts and heaping bowls of maggots.
When the jokes aren't cruel and fascinating, they're hilarious for their
creativity, or their bold absurdity. How else to describe the gag that
involves Vegas comic Rip Taylor, clad in a sleeping cap and nightgown,
lurking inside a freezer case at a grocery store and startling the pants off
anyone who tries to open the case and obtain an item from it? It's
terrifically weird and funny. The same goes for the guy who walks by and
steals parking meters, or the woman who walks up to customers at an ice
cream store, grabs a stranger's cone and just starts licking it without a
word of explanation.
This is wild, crazy, vicious stuff. It's also really funny, and it's easily
the best seventy bucks I've ever spent on an infomercial while slightly
intoxicated. If you're in the mood for some insane comedy, you could do
worse than the Just Kidding! videos. And if you're ever in France,
don't EVER use a microwave in a convenience store. Trust me on that.