When Can't Hardly Wait premiered on HBO a few weeks ago, I came to the realization that if a movie has attractive twentysomethings playing attractive teens wanting to have sex, I'll be there on the release date. If one or more of the actors has three names in an official screen credit, count me in. If any cast member has been featured in a certain WB program that's the best television has to offer, save me a seat.

So you can imagine when a motion picture gives me all three ifs at once, and throws in a side of nudity and a medium bathroom joke, I'll immediately declare it "The Best Comedy of the Year! Pure raunchy fun!" I'm proud to say sentimental grossout (SG) is quickly becoming my one of my favorite film genres, thanks to Adam Sandler, the Farrelly Brothers and American Pie.

Pie brings SG where it's usually at its peak--senior year of high school. Jim (Jason Biggs), Kevin (Thomas Ian Nicholas, Rookie of the Year), Finch (Eddie Kaye Thomas) and Oz (Chris Klein, Election) decide they want to take the Chevy to their levers before their levers get dry--or by graduation.

It's not a game of lay lady lay but more of a "pact" for a rite of passage. They hang out with Stifler, a jock itch who's there to facilitate their means--by providing his mom's wide open spaces--and to share urine and laxative gags with.

Kevin appears to have the best chance, with his knockout steady girlfriend Vicky (Tara Reid, The Big Lebowski), but seems destined to be a runner stranded on third. Jim just wants to put his biscuit in someone else's bakery basket. Oz would like to show a girl the softer side of Serta, while Finch is ultimately a mochachino-drinking mother fucker. They often discuss their progress at their favorite hangout, as they appropriately sip cherry cokes and hold on to foot-long dogs.

The balance between the quest for conquest and the ladies room is Jessica, (Natasha Lyonne, who shines as always) who's been there, and done that. She encourages Vicky to just do it instead of waiting for scented candles and those three little words.

The S revolves around Oz, who joins the glee club in his search for glee--and finds something resembling the L with Heather (Mena Suvari). The G is all Jim, who tries his luck with an Eastern European entree and American dessert.

I find it ridiculous that Universal is getting mail from a Los Angeles politician about the subject matter of Pie. Last time I checked, high school and college are more "R" than middle age and the senior tour. The filmmakers accept adolesence for what it is -- teens growing up with the pursuit for sex and learning what really makes them happy.

And there's another refreshing reality--parents are dorks, but they can also be funny, caring dorks. Jim's dad (SCTV's Eugene Levy) is positive about his son?s desires: "At least it's safer than a sweatsock."

But it's a Hollywood picture, which gives us a slight flaw: of all these people supposedly struggling to have sex, they are all pleasant-looking with decent muscle tone and in reality would get laid on a regular basis. That's ok by me, though--it's nice to see the bold and beautiful go through struggles like the rest of us once in a while.

I should also mention the Buffy factor (def: n. whenever someone from the popular WB television show appears in a motion picture, it's bound to be a winner)--Alyson Hannigan shows up as a Willow-esque flute player who secretly wants to blow more than a metal shaft.

In Pie, the sexual confusion and hijinx never end, and there's a reason to care about the character's futures. I am awaiting the arrival of the first successful college comedy featuring modern-era SG, anyway.

Hopefully SG is here to stay--if Mr. Valenti would somehow bother to read this story, the MPAA should establish the SG-17 rating. It's Should Go, Sexual Gags, Super Guffaws, SarahMichelle Gellar. I'm there on opening day.