This is the way the world will almost end: not with a bang or a whimper, but with Bruce Willis on a big-ass asteroid in space, detonating a nuclear bomb that will blow the bastard to bits and save all of humanity. You think Jesus is a savior? Try John MacLean on for size. Yippie- kay-ay, motherfucker, and amen.

The final moments of "Armageddon," in which (SPOILER AHEAD) Bruce Willis gives his life to save Liv Tyler, Aerosmith, Jerry Bruckheimer, and other, less important parts of the planet, is just the climax of two hours of the most gaudily inspirational moviemaking since "Independence Day." However, let this be clear as Crystal Light: "Armageddon" as a film KICKS THE ASS of any Emmerich/Devlin product. Of that much, I am certain.

I'm also quite certain that "Armageddon" is as intense a filmgoing experience as you'll face this summer. Is it a good film? Yes, if intense is what you're looking for. But be prepared: we're not just talking summer stupid blockbuster, we're talking A LOUD AND FAST AND ENDLESSLY CLIMAXING FILM. There are explosions every five to ten minutes, souped-up space shuttles zig-zagging behind an asteroid the size of Texas, and threat upon threat to the safety of the film's heroes.

"Armageddon" rips its central plot structure straight from an earlier summer blockbuster, "Deep Impact." (Hell, maybe "Deep Impact" ripped its structure from "Armageddon." It's so hard to tell lately.) One day, huge chunks of nasty space rock start hurtling toward the earth, tearing shit up as they hit. Thanks to these rather obvious hints, NASA discovers that the aforementioned Texas-sized asteroid is headed toward our planet, bringing with it enough fire and brimstone to earn the title "Global Killer." (If that's not Jerry Lee Lewis's nickname, it should be, damnit.) After yelling at brilliant scientists for not coming up with plans brilliant enough to work, Bob Truman (Billy Bob Thornton in a great performance) decides to go with a scheme where a team of NASA astronauts will fly to the asteroid, drill a big hole in it, drop a nuclear device down into the hole, then detonate the nuke as they fly home for their parade, shattering the asteroid just in time to send two big chunks hurtling around the earth and narrowly missing our planet. Enter Harry Stamper (Bruce Willis) and his team of off-shore oil drillers, who are the best men for this job based on their experience with drilling. (Thankfully for all involved, it takes thirty years of hard work to become a good driller, while it only takes about ten days of training to become a good astronaut. If it's that easy to hop into space on a shuttle, how come everybody can't do it?)

Once the film finds Harry Stamper, the "plot" of "Armageddon" becomes a series of "thrilling" dangers and pitfalls for the drillers, the NASA crew on Earth, the Department of Defense, and a crazy Russian cosmonaut who tags along with the NASA team after he accidentally blows up the Mir space station. (Whoops!) From its first moments, the movie is relentless in its constant devices of suspense. And if major characters aren't being threatened with certain death, then either major cities are being bombarded with chunks of the asteroid, or Ben Affleck is making kissy-poo with Liv Tyler. No joke: every "silent" moment of "Armageddon" is either crammed with romantic cliches or crammed with action-film macho cliches. "Character development" is replaced with a series of one-liners; we're expected to invest not into a group of fictional drillers that we've come to know through the course of the movie, but into Bruce Willis, Steve Buscemi, and Billy Bob Thornton. There's more depth in Liv Tyler's cleavage than in her dialogue.

This is all fitting. Only producer Bruckheimer ("Top Gun," Con Air") and director Michael Bay ("Bad Boys," "The Rock") would dare serve up such a preposterous mix of bravado, chauvinism, and cliche. The celluloid itself seems to have been drenched in testosterone. Being a stupid GUY, I find this sort of filmmaking to be tremendously exciting. (Not that you have to be a boy to enjoy Bruckheimer's work, but let's be perfectly honest: Tyler's chief role in "Armageddon" is to cry "DADDY!" while her best fella does all the hard work up in space. Hardly a huge step forward for women in film.)

Roger Ebert has called "Armageddon" "the first 150-minute trailer," and as usual, he's hit the nail on the head. Still, what he sees as a massive flaw can just as easily become a massive asset, if that's what you're into. Me, I've seen plenty of trailers that are more entertaining than the movies they precede, so I say bring on the feature-length trailers! It's almost a new style of filmmaking; it's a true rock 'n' roll movie in the most melodramatically obvious sense of the term. That's not to say that it features Zeppelin riffs constantly, but that it has the pacing and intensity of hard rock music, with the editing style of a good MTV video. Therein lies the trick: it's not aiming for the brain, but for the stomach, the heart, and the groin. Like a timeless Rolling Stones single, if you think it through too much, it can fall apart. But if you just let your bootie wiggle in its seat and cheer along with the rest of the crowd, it's one hell of a great time.

I guess Bruckheimer's movies appeal to the five-year-old boy in all of us. It can be both exciting and scary to discover that there's still a little immature bit inside our psyches that's still into comic-book entertainment, a dumb kid lurking within who gets tremendously excited by watching stuff blow up and following quippy anti-heroes as they redeem themselves. Or, maybe you don't have that little boy inside of you. In case you're curious, here's an experiment. Go buy yourself a ticket to "Armageddon" and watch at least the first set of explosions, in which New York is demolished by a series of asteroid chunks. If you're not grinning from ear to ear at the glorious apocalyptic mayhem on the screen, then sneak right on out of there and slip into "Mulan" or "Doctor Dolittle." Because in just over two hours, Bruce Willis will be saving the world as Jerry Bruckheimer knows it, and I for one will appreciate it very much.