Hola, film fanz! Harry Bawles is here again, and I am yer guide thru da steamy upperbelly of the world of fine flix!!!!! Have U missed me, dear readerz?! It has been sooooooo long since I have seen U staring intensely at me thru the magic portal of the internet. I have had such a busy summer which I can't wait to tell U all about!!!!!!!!!!!

In May, the epic epicenter of me life 4 the past many years on da internet came to a bursting geekgasmic climax, with the release of Star Wars: Episode 1. Man, I done gone and fell in love wit dat movie! It is SOOOOOOO KEWL!!!!!! Since its release, I have seen it 443 timez--many times with my fellow lackeys in da dungeon of filmz, such as Jesus of Kewl, Nein Numb, Sybok and Apollo; sometimes with my second-in-command, da Spock to my Kirk, GeekBot; and a few times even just by myself. I wish they had some kind of frequent flyer program for da movies--I would make two million dollars or something!!!!!!!

Ye godz, George Lucas is sooo kewl. He is da holy almighty god and goddess of kewl; he transcends deific gender and is da genius of the universe. I luv him so much, from his widdle gwey hairs to the widdle cwap between his towzies. I wuuuuuuuuuuuuuv him!!!! What I wuv best about him is dat he has taken so much flack from the small-minded critics of this film and he has not sanken to their level. He has risen far above it all, and he's too kewl to ever descend to the critical level of some of these "writers" on da net and in papers. As if anyone could dare to challenge Mr. Lucas' vision!

I was stunned to see some of da negative reviewz in da papers! TOOOOOOOO UNKEWL!!!! So few people understand how hard George Lucas works to make his movies work--he makes them look easy with all the effectz and stuff, but they are all labors of love. He puts so much luv into all of his moviez that the least his fans can do is love them no matter what, without even thinking about it or anything dumb like that!!!! That?s what I do! Me no critic of LucasGod! Me love his kewl gray-haired ass!!!!!! KEWL!!!!!!

So, da rest of my summer--oh, and I told Brian and Matt of this godly ziney thingieee Pop-Culture-Corn that I would review The Thomas Crown Affair too for their kewl site. They will help me do my own movie newz site again soon, and then you'll see what all the brou-ha-ha is about once again!

For my day job this summer, I worked in the snack shop of a local pool. It was pretty kewl--think of all da beautiful babies in their little swimsuits and you know what I mean! (To crib a phrase from Swingers that is!) Anyway, in my typical Harry style I done went and fell in love with some girl at the pool. Her name was Donna and she was da cutest lifeguardess you could ever want! She was sooooo kewllooking and I think she even saw Star Wars: Episode One with her friends. She said it was "pretty good"!!!!! A girl creature who likes Star Wars!!!! Have I died and gone to Cloud City?!?!?!

But as U all know all 2 well, I am not all dat great with el ladies all the time. I have a few bad habits when chatting with them. For instance, often my pee-pee will pop out from my pantaloones a bit when I see them, because they are so pretty and I want for them 2 love me soooooo much. You can see Mr. Baby Harry downstairs wanting to leave my trousers, folkz!!!!!!!! Tis not good!!!!! Also, I get so nervous that my armpits drip sweat like Niagra Falls!!!!!!!! I can laugh about it now, but man, when I see a pretty girlie that I want 2 talk 2, it can be gross gag with spoon territory!

Anyways, I thought I did good with this girl that was Donna. The perfectness kewl brilliance of her shimmering prettiness was so unbelievabale...pretty, extraordinary Donna. 2 kewl. I bought her a coke or two from me own pocket when I was working at the stand and she was working at lifeguard. She liked that--she smiled. I even tried to drive her home once or twice, but Poppa Geek didn?t want to go the extra bit of a trip because he was too tired from smoking da wacky tobacky!!!! Crazy dad!!!!

But when the big nasty part came was one day just a few weeks ago when I was at the pool early one day just relaxin' and thinkin' about what I was going 2 write next 4 PCC. I was in the pool enjoying the swimness before all da kids showed up, and I felt a pressure in my bladder. Since no one was around, I decided to indulge and I went pee in da pool. Well, as I'm swirling around in my own urine, who should walk in da gate but Donna!!!!!! I cried right then and there, and I haven't been back at the pool since!

I told Poppa Geek all about it, and 2 cheer me up he bought me the new Iron Giant toy. Me love Iron Giant! TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO KEWL! It?s such the total crime that it got ignored. It's so kewl! Undescribably indespicably KEWL with Kapital K all over da place!

Now I play with my Iron Giant toy and wait 4 the fall so that I can get another job. Until then, I hold many movie partiez in my back yard. I invite all da fellow kewl mavens over and we watch many filmz in my backyard. Toooooo KEWL!

Oh yea, da movie to review. Thomas Crown is a crappy summer movie--no explosions, no swearing and even worse, Rene Russo is in it! She's so old and rumpled--I bet everyone has been where she has to go, if U get what I'm saying! I think da big shots in Hollywood Godland should develop a law that says every summer movie needs explosions, swearing and sex with hottiez, or the people who make those movies have to get beat up by someone famous like Mel Gibson or Arnie! If I wanted to see good dramas with no boobies or kaboomies, I'd go to a movie in the fall! But why bother?!?!

Don't see Thomas Crown, unless yer a girl or gay and you think Pierce Brosnan is hot. If I were gay, I bet I'd think he was hot--he's James Bond, and Bond is so kewl! That's all I gots ta say--I hope U understand my review better because U know all about me life now this summer! I wish summer were not over and I could see Star Wars a few more timez, but alas, the seasons all end. I'll C U in dese pages again real soon! Me go to bed now and dream of Donna...yumz!!! Kewl!!!!

Stay kewl, dear readers 'o mine!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!