September 5, 1999

I sometimes wonder what kind of thought processes go into selecting summer singles. Take the new Mariah Carey tune, for instance. It's kickass, or as kickass as Mariah can get. I hate her as much as the next self-respecting music literati, but I also respect her ability to pick producers and songwriters who can craft magic occasionally around her. "Heartbreaker," her latest," is just the kind of magic I mean. It's light, airy, fun. An amazing single. I won't have it played at my wedding, but for the general all-purpose pop uses-getting' down in a club, cruisin' down the interstate, makin' out with my honey-it'll do just fine.

And this tune is hitting the charts in September, when it's clearly a great summer single. All the fantasies I may have had about cranking up the radio and rolling down the windows down LSD as I head home from a hard day's work are gone. Instead, it'll follow me into the fall, a nasty reminder of a! ll the fun I could have had this summer if I wasn't so damn lame.

Someone needs to slap some sense into these record execs. The new Mariah? Great summer single; why is it coming out in the fall? I'll trade you two Kid Rock singles for October if I can just bring Mariah back in time with me to July. Please? I'll take care of her, I promise. She won't be spindled or mutilated or anything. I'll just give her undercarriage a how's yer father.