She's a figure of absolute power on the campus of Northsouthern University. Faculty, students and administrators alike fear her wrath, for her voice is the loudest and most easily heard above the student din. She's president of the Associated Student Senate--the head of the student body. She's Alexis Montgomery, and if you thought those presidential candidates were slippery characters, you haven't met a politician quite like Alexis. We caught Ms. President at her desk in the ASS offices for a brief chat about her work in 999 Foster Street.

Thanks so much for taking the time to chat with us, Alexis.

Yeah, well, let's try to keep this quick. I'm very busy as I'm sure you understand.

Of course. How were you first approached to participate in 999 Foster Street?

I'm afraid I can't answer that.

Might I ask why not?

No, actually, you can't. I'm getting a little sick and tired of the press leaping down my throat based on every move I make. I can't answer that question. Isn't that enough?

I guess it will have to do.

Christ, you're worse than Stephen.

Ah yes, Stephen Craig, editor-in-chief of the Northsouthern Sentinel. He's one of your roommates, right?

Yes, I believe he is, dumbass. Did you just roll off a three-day bender and give me a call, or do you actually have some notes sitting in front of you?

I was curious as to the nature of your relationship with Stephen...

We're roommates and friends. That's it.

I don't suppose you've gotten any hints that he might want to take the relationship into a different direction?

Clean the shit out of your ears. I said there's nothing there, and there isn't.

What about some of the other figures you've been seen around campus with? Jack Nicholson, Brad Pitt, Danny DeVito...

You are a trashmonger, aren't you? Just because I entertain guests of the university, that doesn't make me a whore.

I never said it did.

Well, then what does it make me, exactly?

I have no idea.

Of course you don't.

What about some of your other roommates? What's your relationship like with Ricky Reynolds?

I'm not a slut, okay?! Why does every woman in power face such outlandish accusations?

I never suggested that. I merely inquired about your friendship.

Sure you did, hotshot. Trying to make a name for yourself by taking down the Big Kahuna, eh? Sorry, jerkoff. That ain't gonna work.

That's for sure.

What does that mean?

Nothing. From what I've seen of the series, it would seem you like to drink.

I do. And if you keep asking leading questions like that, I'm gonna get wasted and beat the crap out of you through this phone line.

Right. Let's end on this question: what can readers expect from your sizzling appearance in 999 Foster Street?

No bullshit, that's what they can expect, which is more than I can say for this interview. I've had enough. Read 999 Foster Street, we're so funny and cool, blah blah blah. This is crap. Why do I get myself involved in this shit?