All the Rage #49

I believe in God. At times I'm not sure God likes me, but he knows I'm doing my best.

I believe R.E.M. is the finest band of the eighties, period.

I believe in my insecurity, because it's all I really have.

I believe no one can successfully date a member of the opposite sex who is more attractive than he or she is. Any such relationship is doomed to failure.

I believe that Elvis is truly dead, and I'm glad he is.

I believe it's okay to be glad that Elvis is truly dead, because the last years of his life were a torture of Vegas glitz and glamour.

I believe in a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away...

I believe that The Great Gatsby is the pinnacle of American prose fiction in the last century.

I believe that The Simpsons is the pinnacle of American television in the last century.

I believe the television hasn't been around for a century, but I hope no one notices.

I believe everyone will notice, because I just told everyone.

I believe Plato is a cagey, confusing bastard. If he had wanted to be understood, he would not have written in classical Greek.

I believe in the Muppets.

I believe in Bruce Springsteen. I believe in the E Street Band. I believe that I have doubts about Bruce Springsteen without the E Street Band.

I believe in pizza as thick as my arm.

I believe Cher can't sing.

I believe Nietzsche might have been on to something when he said woman was God's second mistake.

I believe women don't like me because I believe Nietzsche might have been on to something.

I believe that there are no absolutes.

I believe in Buffy, the Vampire Slayer.

I believe in a core group of friends that partakes in a series of activities designed to bring fun upon the members of said core group.

I believe in Elvis Costello and I don't care what he thinks of Ray Charles, because he rocks.

I believe that time is the fire in which we burn.

I believe the new Star Wars action figures are in many ways inferior to their seventies counterparts.

I believe we are all shallow.

I believe in Elton John. I believe he is gay. I believe that if I were gay, I'd be into him in a serious way, darling.

I believe that the comics industry may be on a downward spiral from which it may never recover.

I believe sometimes without thinking.

I believe that if God had meant for humans to kiss, he would have put our reproductive organs in our mouth.

I believe in coyotes and time as an abstract.

I believe in haiku.

I believe that there is life on other planets and they enjoy laughing at us for being stupid humans.

I believe in Chicago.

I believe Milton Berle has the ability to destroy all societal and cultural barriers with his brand of warm, comforting comedy.

I believe Oswald did not act alone.

I believe true friendship is a treasure, rarely to be found and never to be sacrificed.

I believe in the way I feel, often more than I should.

I believe in classic rock.

I believe that The Godfather, Part II is my favorite movie ever made.

I believe there is no perfect way of dealing with human relationships.

I believe silence is stupid.

I believe Harvey Keitel can act the pants off any other performer alive today.

I believe in fear as a creative force.

I believe in love.

I believe in sex.

I believe that the two mushed together are a fantastic combination and highly addictive.

I believe in Shaw.

I believe in laughter.

I believe in life.

I believe in death.

I believe in belief, because sometimes, it's all you really have.