I'm pretty sure it started out as a joke.

I remember reading a clever little news item on the Web a few weeks back, in which the writer observed that Twinky Winky, the purple Teletubby, might be gay. After all, it's purple in color, has a triangle on top of its head and carries a purse to boot. The writer even went as far as to contact a representative of Itsy Bitsy Entertainment, the U.S. distributors of the children's TV show, only to receive a flustered denial. Pretty funny shit.

But someone apparently didn't get that it was a joke. Recently, ultra right-wing Bible thumper Reverend Jerry Falwell warned readers of his magazine that Twinky Winky might be corrupting the souls of Christian children. "He is purple--the gay-pride color; and his antenna is shaped like a triangle--the gay-pride symbol," Sherlock Falwell deduced in his writing.

We could argue with Reverend Falwell logistically -- how could Twinky Winky be gay? It has no discernible penis to insert into the rectum of a same-sexed Teletubby. For that matter, it doesn't have a discernible rectum either -- and the fact that Falwell's comments have caused me to ponder the anatomy of Teletubby private areas makes me wonder just who is corrupting whose mind.

Odds are that you couldn't argue with Falwell logistically anyway, so I've spent some time trying to figure out what drove him to openly question Twinky Winky's sexual preference: Was it a desperate plea for publicity? Perhaps. Is Falwell off his rocker? Very possibly. Or, could it be that Reverend Jerry Falwell is projecting his own inner sexual demons upon a sweet, innocent children's television icon? Some psychiatrists would say so.

But Itsy Bitsy Entertainment itself had the most appropriate response to Falwell's attempt to color Twinky Winky lavender: "To out a Teletubby in a preschool show is kind of sad on his part. I really find it absurd and kind of offensive," said Steve Rice. I couldn't agree more.

Now before you religiously inclined readers of this piece fly off the handle and call me an infidel, there's something you should know: I'm a Christian too. I worship every Sunday, I love Jesus and I get pissed off when I hear people making jokes about clergymen and little boys. But to be associated with Falwell is a down-right embarrassment. It makes you wonder for a moment whether the Romans might have had a point when they threw us to the lions.

Do I really think Jerry Falwell might be displacing a lust for men onto Twinky Winky? No, but I don't think the fact that Twinky Winky talks with a boy's voice and carries a purse-like magic bag makes it a fag either. Wanna call T.W. effeminate? Then I'm on your team. And would there be anything wrong with it if Twinky liked to have a few beers with Po and take him in the back room to nail his fellow Teletubby consentingly in the shitter? Frankly, I would't care so long as they don't tell me about it. I have more important things to worry about than other people's sexuality. Would Jesus think it's a sin? Maybe, but he'd forgive Twinky Winky and Po too, because that's the kinda guy he was. Falwell should spend some more time getting to know his Lord and Saviour and then he might realize that he should be a little less critical of innocent Teletubbies and instead focus that energy on some of the world's real problems, like hunger and poverty.