Jest in Time 1998      Way way back in PCC's Halycon Days, one of our main features was a regular column penned by Mr. Crispin Cruz, under the pen name "Jester." His stream-of-consciousness ramblings brought into sharp collision such disparate themes as mom jokes, clever pop culture references, mom jokes, social commentary, and mom jokes. This month, we celebrate Jester's return to the pages of PCC with a glance backward at his past efforts, and a long look forward at his newest effort. He's as sharp and sweet as he used to be...just like your mom! HA!

Yeah, I know it's been a while (some would say an all too long while, others an all too short one) since I've contributed some form of concrete nothingness to this, the almightiest of almighty rags ever conceived by carbon-based lifeforms. And I know that you've begged and pleaded for something, anything, even a little taste of something more. The last time anyone heard from me, we didn't have flying cars or powdered Thanksgiving turkey in a pouch or hourly trips to Mars, and this publication was still being handcranked on paper by some guy wearing a funny hat and listening to the blissful tunes of the high prophet Coolio.

But now we live in this oh, so modern era where one can buy practically everything they need to exist on the Internet instead of just downloading some, ahem, pictures, and PCC is the megamultimedia conglomerate of stuff its creators intended it to be. So without further ado, because further ado has left the building, I bring you this stream of stuff that fell out of my big head when I stood up too fast as the el train approached my stop. Well, it's all that plus some of what I learned in college as I look back now almost 3 years after graduation and realize that those years were some of the best but hopefully not THE best for long. Enjoy your ride.

• This is the Cubs' year.
• You may not need alcohol to have fun, but it sure helps a hell of a lot.
• Every other driver is an idiot.
• One can still look fly in jeans.
• E-mail, like ATMs, is a drug.
• Pizza is natural, pizza is good.
• You still can never have too many CDs.
• Mom jokes: lost art?
• Do we really need another "Home Alone"?
• The world's problems could be solved by hockey.
• Some people are just smart.
• Where's Young MC?
• A "Real World" Step: health insurance, 401(k), and 2 weeks vacation.
• We learned TOO MUCH about K-D.
• Not everybody does it, but everybody should.
• Life's all about change; I have $0.92.
• Consume.
• Often overlooked: The Great Portuguese Empire.
• Often the stupidest moments are the best.
• Neve.
• The music is never too loud.
• Life's like TV, but some people lose the remote.
• College can be likened to the embryonic stage; it's not only a time to grow, but also very wet.
• Bloody Sanka.
• Commuting has its high points and then the road starts to dip.
• Almost always, someone is hungry at 2 AM.
• This column, or whatever it is, sucks and always has but thanks for reading; now send money!
• Pizza is natural, pizza is fun.
• There is no such thing as a soulmate.
• Mosquitoes suck, too.
• Old arts are often weakly imitated.
• There's always time for TMBG.
• Damn, it's hot than a mutha.
• Haiku = hula hoop.
• And so do vacuums.
• Snowboarding rocks ass.
• I should have had more calamari.
• Sad fact: there is not as much metal in Transformers anymore.
• Pizza is best when there's more than one.
• Where's Ymar?
• I still like Hootie--so shoot me.

Bye, Harry.

Jester